ABCs of the Enterprise
by starsnstripies
Summary: Leonard H. McCoy's personal assessment survey. Due to writers block and the Star Trek universe's lack of the more harder letters I figured this could just be a oneshot. Thank you for the reviews!


**Wanted to do an A-Z of Star Trek and ended up being an A-Z of Leonard McCoy. His POV of course. Enjoy!!**

Leonard H. McCoy's personal assessment survey.

Issued by Captain James T. Kirk for his own person records.

This is a fun way for me to get to know my senior bridge staff a little better. So how about some simple A, B, Cs!!

A- Apple. I still don't know when or how Jim snuck that apple into the Kobayashi Maru test, I probably never will. But that didn't stop me from rolling my eyes when Jim asked if I wanted a bite while we were being 'attacked' by Klingon warbirds.

B- Bones. I figured it was what I said to Jim that first day on the shuttle that inspired the nickname. _All I got left is my bones._ Because the next day when I woke up in our new shared quarters I heard Jim ask "Hey Bones you want some coffee?" It beats Leonard.

C- Captain. Jim Kirk is the youngest captain in Starfleet history. He is rash, arrogant, and a manwhore but he is also incredibly smart, reliable, headstrong, courageous and a good friend.

D- Doctor. It's nice having a leg up on the other fellow cadets. I bypassed all the first and second year classes and jumped ahead to the Xenobiology courses in record time. Plus being called Doctor McCoy instead of Cadet McCoy everyday doesn't hurt.

E- Envy. I'm jealous of Jim Kirk. Ya that's right Jim you heard it, I'm jealous of you. Hell every guy is jealous of you. But when I would get to our room after a too late night of studying, desperate for a soft bed, and see a tie stuck in the door, I knew the only place I'd be sleeping that night was either a library couch or the Medical Bay's beds. Now and then I would wish I could get a hot little thing in my bed as easy as you could, but then I remembered that I'm not you and I'm not a fan of one night stands.

F- Fencing. Apparently Sulu is a damn good fencer. I watched the guy one day practicing with his extendable sword/big knife thing and was blown away by the flips and slices the kid could pull._ 'Note to self: Never piss Sulu off.'_

G- Gaila. She was Jim's other half. His perfect match….in the bedroom that is. As far as I knew, Gaila was one of the few girls that Jim had an actual relationship with. It hurt when I saw Jim silently crying, holding an old bra Gaila had left in our room when we had gotten back from all the Nero business. "She said she loved me. I didn't say it back," Jim said softly in the quietness of the room. Feeling lost at what to say I just sat next to Jim and put my arm around him, trying to comfort the best way I could.

H- Hypospray. Sweeney Todd has razors, I have hyposprays. They are my best friends, bringing healing to the sick and pain to the annoying. _'My friends'_

I- Ice Planet aka Delta Vega. When Spock kicked Jim off the ship I was worried sick….on the inside that is. I was pissed at Spock for his choice. Yeah getting rid of Jim at that moment was right but he didn't need to get dumped onto a planet!

J- Jocelyn. Or rather, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. She is a torn in my side and a constant reminder of what she did to me. How she took everything other than my bones and name. Hope she rots in hell.

K- Klingon. The Federation's big pain in the ass. 'nough said.

L- Leonard. My first name. A name I'm not particularly fond of. I put up with it for a long time but once I got into high school it was either McCoy or Leo. McCoy stuck. The only time I like my name is when a bedmate moans it from underneath me. Those are always good times.

M- Medical Bay. Just like a captain has his ship, a judge has his courtroom or chief has his kitchen do I have my Med-Bay. My domain, where my word is law and there isn't a goddamn thing anyone could do about it. Damn it feels good to be in command.

N- Nyota. Nyota Uhura. The top student and pride and joy of the Xenolinguistics Department. Fortunately for me the lovely woman told me her first name and not Jim, who begged for so long before Spock unintentionally filled him in. Having an inside joke with the beautiful girl and getting to have fun with Jim was great while it lasted. I'm just glad that the girl smiles at my winks and not Jim's.

O- Olsen. Former Chief Engineer and major dumbass. When news came that he died while trying to get onto that Romulan device, it made my body tense with worry. Jim was on that mission. Thankfully the kid and Sulu landed safely and fixed the communication and transporter problems. I was sure I got a few grey hairs that day despite Jim saying I was overreacting.

P- Pike, Christopher. The man who got Jim to join Starfleet and a man everyone in Starfleet respected. A great man with an apparently loud whistle.

Q- Quadrant. Alpha, Beta, Gamma and Delta quadrants all compose the Milky Way Galaxy. The galaxy which holds almost 3 million Class M planets. Ya that's right I got text book on your ass. Didn't expect that huh.

R- Replicators. Not always 100% accurate on the more detailed of food items but it was close enough when it came to simple pleasures. Pancakes, spaghetti, French fries, but nothing could replicate my dad's grilled chicken or mom's apple pie.

S- Spock. Commander and First Officer of the U.S.S Enterprise and one major S.O.B. I have a good number of insults that pertain to the Vulcan. Green-blooded hobgoblin and pointy eared bastard are my most famous and favorite. But the good ole classics work just as well.

T- Tribbles. Fuzzy creatures that coo when happy and screech when around Klingons. I still have nightmares of those damn fuzz balls filling the ship, breeding beyond control. But goddamn if they aren't cute.

U- Uhura. The lady is so wonderful she has to be mentioned twice.

V- Vulcan. A planet that didn't deserve its untimely destruction, a race now endangered and a people we are still completely lost to.

W- Water. Endless amount on Earth, a regulated commodity aboard a starship. That still doesn't stop Jim from taking 20 minute showers every other day when the rest of the crew gets clean in 10.

X- Xeno….something or other. Basically tack on xeno to the front of any human science and it immediately becomes alien related. Xenobiology: The study of alien biology. Xenolinguistics: The study of alien languages. You see my point.

Y- Yawn. Man I didn't think doing this stupid survey would work my brain so much.

Z- Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z zz zzzzzzzzzz


End file.
